you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
