butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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