Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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