you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
