what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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