I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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