In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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