I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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