i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just had sex on a roof
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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