I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
