i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
