i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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