Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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