why didn't you poke me back
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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