my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
