he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
