i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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