Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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