Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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