Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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