That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
