as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
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I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
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I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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