THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
