It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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