i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
