I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
