forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
