your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
