he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
