Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
