he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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