Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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