I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
