Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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