absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
