Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
