Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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