Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I booty called her while she was in labor.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
