getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize