Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
