Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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