alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
