Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
worst night to have a conscience
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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