I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
