the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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