I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
