The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
