it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
