Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
