That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
