Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
