New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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