2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
