Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
