if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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