My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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