Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have demons in me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
