the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
