Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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