I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
