i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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