Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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