Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
