I'm lost and stupid without you.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
