Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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