Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
