I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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