Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
