I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
