i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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