We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
