Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
