I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
