I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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