I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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