Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
