Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
