Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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