Can i not drive my cunt home
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
