how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
