i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
